Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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