You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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