Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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