I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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