Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
