if i can run in heels then i can drive
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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