dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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