I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
