you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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