I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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