I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Randomize
