I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize