I want to have your abortion
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
