we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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