how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
vagina is talking i cant
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
