He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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