i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
