He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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