I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
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