I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
