Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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