remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
