where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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