upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
