we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize