I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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