My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
