I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Randomize
