I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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