it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
