i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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