I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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