The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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