Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
