are you still at the devil's house?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
