babies were throwing up all over the place
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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