i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
