She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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