Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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