I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
