Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
