No, drunk sperm still make babies.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
