Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
