I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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