Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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