I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's blow job season.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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