wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dignity is for republicans.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
