she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
