Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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