if you like me you must not know who I am
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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