writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
