I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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