You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
