im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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