Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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