fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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