guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
