It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
