I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
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