new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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