Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
