I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize