So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
