you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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