Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize