then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
