I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
