i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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