A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
