how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
