She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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