Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
