I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
