His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
