His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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