my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Randomize
