Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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