It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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