Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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