so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
