genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
