Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Randomize
