It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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