i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
