Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
