Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
