No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
