All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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