The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
